


Codependency

by Billxbesitztxmeinxherz



Series: Where Evil Lays [10]
Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Angst, Horror, Humiliation, M/M, Twincest, heavy kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-21
Updated: 2012-02-21
Packaged: 2017-10-31 13:38:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Billxbesitztxmeinxherz/pseuds/Billxbesitztxmeinxherz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill and Tom have always been there for each for their entire lives. They adore one another and feel as if they would die without the other... right? What really lies underneath the shiny facade that the Kaulitz twins have created? Just how twisted and controlling is their relationship? And who really is in charge?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[ ](http://photobucket.com)

In life it is important at an early age to learn how to become independent and form relationships with others. This crucial step in development prepares us physiologically for the outside world. Children growing up in an abusive household or constantly witness abusive relationships can lead to lack of ability to see a relationship clearly due to the inconsistent messages. Children are also reinforced for depending heavily on their codependent parent, which robs them of their own development in decision-making.

The Kaulitz twins are the poster children of twins all over the world. They share a special ‘twin bond’ and claim to have the same dreams, be able to know what one another is thinking, and feel each other’s pain. Bill is the innocent playful little brother that is protected by Tom the strong older twin. One would think that due to appearances they are the most perfect children in the world… they couldn’t be any more wrong. 

****

Hamburg 30.11.2008

“Dude you are so trashed.” Georg smiled slugging Bill in the shoulder. Bill flipped back his black bangs and smiled up at Georg with a flutter of his eyelashes.

This was the night that all Tokio Hotel fans had been waiting for, the fan party in Hamburg. Earlier the band had signed autographs, shot some footage for their youtube channel, and was now relaxing in the VIP section behind white hanging streamers. The boys had somehow managed to bribe Gustav into table dancing for a whole minute and were now relaxing listening to the thumping beats of the music.

“Nuh uh! One murr.” Bill slurred reaching out for another bottle of vodka. Georg simply laughed and walked off in search of Gustav. The camera flashes of anxious fangirls went off as Georg walked by leaving Bill alone on the couch. Another flash went off and Bill grumbled sitting up right and reaching for another bottle.

“Bill I wouldn’t have another if I were you,” A voiced laughed over the pounding music. Bill squealed in protest when he felt a form plop down next to him.

“Jus another!” Bill made a reach for a half empty bottle and yelped when fingers crushed around his thin wrist.

Tom continued to smile for the girls and angled his back to them making sure no one saw his death grip on his little brother. Bill’s eyes were glazed and he blinked confused at Tom sneaking glances at the drinks on the table.

“I said ‘no’.” Tom growled barely loud enough for Bill to hear. The younger twin snatched his hand back and rubbed at it awaiting Tom’s further instructions. 

He didn’t know when things had gotten so bad. As children Tom had always been the stronger twin that Bill relied on. He had protected him through the divorce, at school from the angry fists of other students, and even then the harsh accusing words of the public eye. Tom was Bill’s constant, his security blanket, and his rock that kept him sane. Perhaps it was the stress of the constant touring and media that changed Bill and Tom’s relationship so much. But even in Bill’s intoxicated state he knew that wasn’t true. Tom’s possessiveness had been going on ever since they were little. 

Bill could remember back to a time when Tom had been obsessed with collecting cards, then as he got older it turned into caps, once Tokio Hotel had made it big his obsession had become one-night stands. However these things in life can only get us so far. Everyone earns to have someone that they can call his or her own and care for. Unfortunately for Bill he was that person.

“Tomi let guh.” Bill said. The words rolled off his tongue feeling thick like molasses and he stuck out his tongue flicking it to make sure it was still working properly. The tongue stud flashed in the small tucked away corner and Tom frowned. Tom was just about to grab Bill again when Natalie sat down next to them.

“God this is so tiring,” She exhaled throwing an arm over her eyes. 

Tom took the opportunity to send at warning glare at Bill who merely nodded. Natalie let out another sigh and turned to the twins quietly observing them. Tom froze the minute he felt Natalie’s eyes on him and tried to remain clam. She quirked her eyebrow and Tom felt sweat beginning to run down his spine. He always hated the looks their makeup artists gave him. He always felt as if she could see right through his smile and into his thoughts and true intentions. She continued to stare not taking his eyes off of Tom’s when he felt a body slump against his right.

“Ummm Tomi you smell so nice… always do.” Bill murmured curling against him like a cat. Tom almost struck Bill right then and there but the glaring eyes of Natalie made him stop. In stead he petted Bill’s hair adoringly and looked at the blonde as if to say ‘yeah I’m related to that’. 

“You two are so cute together,” Natalie smiled, “Bill honey don’t rub your face like that you’ll smudge your makeup.” 

Tom relaxed his shoulders and let Bill rest his head on his shoulder. His little brother felt so nice curled up next to him like a little tiny ball. As children Tom had always joked that Bill was like an oven and should sleep naked. When they turned seventeen Tom made sure he did every night. 

Natalie smiled at Bill and petted his black glossy hair a little. Her white teeth fit perfectly in her little mouth but Tom knew better. She never took her gaze off Tom and continued to watch his suspiciously with black eyes. Tom smiled genuinely at her and mentally sighed in relief when she seemed to buy it.   
Shortly afterward she excused her self to get a drink Tom shoved Bill off of him. Bill sat up dazed after being woken from his nap. Tom merely smiled sickly and squeezed his finger tightly bringing Bill back to the present.

“W-what? Tomi ouch that hurts.” Bill mumbled trying to pry his finger. Tom twisted it at an unnatural angle causing the dark haired twin to gasp. Tom loved this feeling that he got when he abused Bill it was such a rush. Bill was his and only belonged to Tom alone. It was Tom’s job to protect Bill, take care of Bill, and now after nineteen years Tom was finally getting his fun. Tom smiled at the memory of the first day when he first discovered his fetish. 

_“It wasn’t my fault you sucked today!” Bill cried out storming around the room._

_Tom squeezed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger trying to block out the noise. Bill continued to pace around the cramped wellness room and shouted higher than Tom had heard his brother scream before. The concert had flat out sucked and mostly the reason was that Tom kept coming in too soon._

_“We’ve play Durch den Monsun a thousand times! A fucking thousand times! Fuck I’ve even heard you play it in your sleep! What’s wrong with you!” Bill shouted stopping in front of Tom._

_He continued to yell and shout accusing Tom of doing it on purpose. Tom merely squeezed his eyes closed even tighter and tried to ignore Bill however it proved to be too much. He was sick of always kneeling to Bill and rage filled inside of him with every of Bill’s shouts. The blame shouldn’t all be on Tom after all Gustav was too slow and if he remembered correctly Bill had sung some pretty sour notes as well. But Bill is always right so if he said it was all Tom’s fault, then it was all Tom’s fault._

_“My god you are so stupid!” Bill sighed out putting his head in his hands. “Dumb bastard.”_

_Tom’s nostrils flared as he jumped out of his chair in rage at those words. Bill looked up surprised and emitted a pained yell when Tom struck his across the face. Bill staggered backwards clutching his cheek and Tom felt adrenaline rush into him at the sight. Bill had finally shut up and Tom had been the cause of it. The older twin’s heart swelled in victory and he advanced on Bill._

_“You ass that was my face! MY FACE! The face that makes us money-”_

_Bill let out another pained yelped as Tom punched him in the ribs this time. The dark haired boy slouched over clutching his stomach in pain and Tom shoved him to the floor. Bill hissed in anger at Tom and Tom lost all control right then and there. He raised his hand and brought down all his anger on Bill’s beautiful face. He wailed on the younger twin and let him have it using all his bottled emotions and taking it out on his brother as if he were a rag doll._

_“Yeah,” Tom grunted as Bill yelped in pain again trying to cover his face. Tom kicked him in the shin loving the feeling of his body buzzing in anger. Bill’s yelps and cries only fueled Tom and he continued beating him laughing at the same time._

_“Yeah,” Tom grunted again kicking Bill in the kidney. He watched amazed as his brother’s face turned up in twisted pain. The beating continued until Bill lay there unmoving. Tom ceased and bent over him convinced that he had beaten his twin unconscious until he heard a quite sob._

_Tom’s gaze raked over the tear stained face that stared back at him. Bruises were already starting to form contrasting with Bill’s pale skin. One of his eyes was swollen shut and his eye makeup was smudged across his face and running down his cheeks in tear streams._

_“T-tomi?” Bill croaked cautiously._

_Tom growled and grabbed a fist full of hair staring at Bill’s panicked look. His groin tightened at the sight and Tom forced him self upon Bill ignoring his cries when he kissed him for the first time._

_Bill squeaked and tried to fend Tom off only causing his damaged body more pain. Anger flared through Tom again and he didn’t want Bill to get away. No one could know it was for Bill and Tom only. He grabbed Bill by the biceps squeezing hard against the welts and kissed Bill senseless._

_“No! Tom stop-” Bill stammered when they broke for air._

_Tom silenced him with a kiss and decided then and there that he wanted his brother. He ignored the nagging in the back of his mind saying this was wrong, he ignored his instinct to kiss Bill’s ‘boo boos’ goodbye, and he most certainly ignored Bill’s shrill screams as he penetrated him. Tom didn’t even care that his twin was soft even despite his attempts to arouse him. Bill was Tom’s fuck doll and he used Bill for all he was worth._

That was the first time Tom had raped Bill. There was no apology afterwards he simply crawled off from where his broken brother lay on the floor and left. No one asked questions when Bill wore sunglasses and a scarf the next day. It remained Tom and Bill’s secret and unwritten agreement. Bill no longer bitched at Tom and he left Bill alone for an entire month after each rape. 

After almost a year of dealing with this Bill finally felt that he could bear the pain and ignore it. That was however until the twin’s eighteenth birthday and Tom decided to change the rules.


	2. Chapter 2

Ever since Bill could remember management had been pushing for the twins to play up their ‘twin bond’. Devilish had failed so badly that Jost and Dunja felt it best for the boys to create a new band entirely severing the old ties and image that Devilish had. They had said that the band members were all over the place and needed to conform to one image not a mismatched hodgepodge. The focus would taken off the older members of the band and directed at Bill on account that he was the lead singer. Of course the singer had protested and said that the band belonged to all four of them not just him. But when threats of replacing Tom due to his slow progress in learning to play his instrument was mentioned Bill shut up immediately. 

 

Bill could remember the first day that their ‘twin bond’ was notice. Grimacing he gazed around the dark club in search of his brother. Tom was over by Georg laughing and smiling for the fangirl’s cameras. A shy smile slowly spread across Bill’s face and he truly at that moment felt happy. He had not seen Tom genuinely smile for months now and shivers ran up his spine. They had always shared everything even down to emotions however despite what they told the press, the twins never were able to know exactly what the other was thinking. It was the only place Bill was safe from Tom and as he leaned back against the wall he swore he could hear the inexperienced playing of guitars on that fateful day. 

_“Georg! Gustav! Ready five got it!” Dunja said hurriedly rushing around backstage._

_People were hustling and bustling trying to get the band ready for their first concert of the Schrei Tour. Benjamin was talking excitedly with Patrick as the two gazed at the panicked scene before them. Dunja was running like a mad women trying to prepare everything that Jost seemed to have forgotten about…again._

_“Damn lazy prick.” She muttered storming into the dressings rooms._

_“Hey Dunja I said we’d be out in a minute will you at least wait until I have a shirt on?” Georg teased peeking out from behind a curtain. Dunja glared at the teen and continued searching through the numerous crates, wires, and equipment until finally she reached a door at the end of the hallway._

_“Bill!” She sighed opening the door without bothering to knock. The room looked perfectly normal as her eyes scanned the room until she landed upon two huddled figures on the couch._

_“Bill I told you not while we’re at work.” Tom hissed shoving his brother off him at the sight of Dunja. The blonde stood there as her brain processed what was happening. Bill’s little spiked head turned around with tear rimmed eyes as he talked to Dunja apologizing for not being ready. The words didn’t even process as she stared open-mouthed replaying the image of Tom and Bill cuddling._

_Her instincts were screaming that they needed to get going since the concert would be starting soon but her maternal ones won out. She felt sudden urge scoop up the two little boys and cuddle them. She had knew that twins were close but she had never actually seen the two touch each other when they were at work. Their movements were always stiff around one another as if they were trying with all their might not to come in physical contact with one another even during the smallest things._

_“What was that?”_

_“Huh?” Bill asked rubbing his tears away. The young teen looked up with sleepy eyes and brushed his disheveled hair out of his face._

_“Bill was really nervous so I… kept him company.” Tom replied lowly and avoiding eye contact._

_“Sorry.” Bill said quietly rubbing his eyes again cutely. Every fiber in Dunja’s body screamed to awe and hug Bill tight. It was the cutest sight she’d ever seen. Sleepy little Bill crying and needing to be held by his cute brother Tom. Tom may act tough but there was something adorable about the little boy trying to be brave despite his puppy dog eyes._

_“That,” Dunja breathed smiling, “That is what sells CDs.”_

_Bill looked at Tom confused and Tom glared back with piercing eyes. The two had promised there would be no hugging or cuddles during work or on tour. They were only meant for home after the cruel jokes they had received from kids at school. At an early age Bill and Tom had learned that hugging in public only got them teased and taunted. Parents would think it was cute but other kids had only laughed and called them babies. Ever since then cuddling had been a taboo, something special and reserved for home late at night in the safety of the boy’s room._

_“I told you not to hug me.” Tom whispered to Bill scolding. The dark haired boy merely nodded sniffing and nosed into Tom’s shoulder affectionately._

_“What? No! My god no, Bill honey that is what is going to sell you guys!” Dunja said excitedly._

_“Huh?” Both twins said confused. Cuddling in public was okay?_

_“I want to see that out there tonight! That… thing whatever you two call it.”_

_“Our twin bond?” Tom asked skeptically. He stood in between Bill and Dunja protectively trying to hide Bill from Dunja’s plotting eyes._

_“Yes that! Now go! Show starts in five minutes, and remember boys! I want to see that… thing out there tonight!”_

It had all started then the unspoken bond; public announcements of wanting to die together, and of course those songs. Bill hated all of the songs they sang. They may seem like love songs and ballads to the fangirls, which is what marketing wanted, but the boys knew the true intention behind them. Roth, Benzner, Jost, and Hoffman had spent hours in the studio writing lyrics to songs for the band to play. It was required that Bill sit in on these meetings that way he got some credit to the songs and would portray that Bill was the one writing these troubled lyrics just like the fangirls wanted. 

Everything was image to them and management honestly didn’t care if Bill truly liked the lyrics or not. Tom had held Bill many times when he had come home from those meetings always hearing the same thing. He needed to be thinner, he needed to wear more makeup, and he needed to look at Tom more during performances.

Perhaps this was the reason why Tom felt so possessive over Bill. No one else seemed to notice or care that Bill was being molded into something he wasn’t. Not even Simone noticed their withering glances from across the dinning table on the rare breaks the twins got to go home. Even Georg and Gustav never seemed to notice how Bill was caving into him self and that the flashy smile was just for show.

“Hey.” Tom whispered in Bill’s ear. A shiver raked down his spine and turned slightly to face his twin now slowly becoming sober.

It took him a minute to realize what year it was and where exactly was he but when Bill did he discreetly slumped. The music continued pounding as the fans danced to the music clad in their skimpy outfits trying to look the best for the band. Bill frowned he should be the ones having to impress them. Bill felt lower than scum and has no idea why so many people seemed to adore him. This person that they saw and loved it wasn’t really Bill. It was as if there were two Bills in one body.

Tom frowned and gripped Bill’s forearm tightly warning him to smile or else. There were two Toms as well, Bill thought sadly, the one that the media sees as a protective older brother. Tom squeezed even harder whispering sickening endearments. And then there was this monster that Bill was left with when they truly were behind the scenes.

“When we get home I want to hear that pretty voice of yours scream. Got it?” Tom growled releasing his twin. Bill sadly nodded and counted the time he had left to enjoy him self. From the looks of his phone not much. Not much time before the flashes of the cameras and screams of the fans stopped. Not much time before everyone went home and slept peacefully in bed. There was not much time until Bill’s nightmare started all over again just like it always did since he was eighteen.

_“Happy eighteenth Birthday bitch.” Tom growled in Bill’s ear._


	3. Chapter 3

_“Happy eighteenth Birthday bitch.” Tom growled in Bill’s ear._

_“Um… yeah you too.” Bill cautiously. He didn’t know what Tom wanted and that was a dangerous situation Bill didn’t want to find him self in again._

_It was September 1, 2007 and the twins had just turned eighteen. A huge party had been thrown to celebrate and the entire crew was invited. In fact there had been so many guests that Bill didn’t even really know who had come and who hadn’t. Simone had given the boys lovely gifts and Tom claimed it was favorite gift… of that night._

_“I lied earlier,” Tom growled stroking Bill’s exposed arm._

_“What?” Bill asked quietly careful not to face his twin._

_For the past few months Tom had been demanding that Bill sleep naked, even when he wasn’t raping him. Bill had protested at first only to end up backhanded to the ground. Bill often was cold at night even despite the numerous blankets he threw on the bed. He hated how exposed and vulnerable he felt and it wasn’t like he could put on his clothes once Tom left. The older twin would sporadically check up on him throughout the night to make sure that he was still naked._

_“Mmm no. Mom’s gift was cool but…” Tom murmured nuzzling into Bill’s shoulder, “It wasn’t nearly as good as having you last night.”_

_“Yeah?” Bill croaked, “Last night was… fun.”_

_“Mmm hmmm.” Tom grunted as he threw a leg over Bill to straddle him. Bill’s eyes shot open in panic and he froze under Tom’s weight. What was he doing? Tom always waited at least two months after each time they ‘made love’. Those two months were Bill’s free period where he actually felt at peace. What was Tom doing now?_

_Bill said nothing as Tom ripped off his shirt and then baggy jeans. He continued to straddle the younger twin only in his boxers moaning as he rocked down on Bill’s stomach. Bill could feel the hot hard flesh poking into him and he shuddered looking away. He was never aroused during these experiences, they disgusted him._

_“Ohh yeah… Bill… Billa? Billa suck it.” Tom commanded sticking his member inches away from Bill’s face. Bill frowned and looked up at the older twin in confusion. It hadn’t been two months yet. Fuck it hadn’t even been 48 hours since they last did it._

_“Tom… i-it’s… it’s not been my two months.”_

_Tom halted his rocking and glared down at Bill. The two stared at each other for a moment; one scared the other with a blank face. Minutes passed and when Bill finally realized Tom struck him forcefully across the face. Tom got up of him and threw him further up on the bed looming over him. Bill hadn’t even flinched when struck and Tom wanted a reaction out of him. After all that was what made it fun._

_“Please I’m so tired.” Bill whispered softly._

_Tom snorted, like he gave a damn. He wanted it rough and by god Bill would have to deal. Tom struck Bill again smiling when he whimpered in pain. Then he hit him again and again and again. The blows kept coming and Bill lay defenseless and naked under Tom crying. Tom pinned down Bill’s arms with his legs and sat up over Bill glaring. Bill’s face was makeup free and the tip of nose was red from crying. A sight that would make most people feel sorry for their actions only turned on Tom more._

_“Okay! Okay! I’ll suck it! I’ll suck it!” Bill cried stretching his neck out to take Tom._

_“No,” He growled roughly shoving Bill’s head back, “Not anymore you had your chance bitch. We’re doing things my way now. I want a little party, after all it is our birthday.”_

_Tom leaned over to the nightstand and pulled out two objects that made Bill’s eyes bulge; rope and handcuffs. Shaking in fear Bill let Tom cuff him and then tie his hands above his head on the headboard. Bill has disobeyed and now he was going to get it. Squeezing his eyes shut Bill willed himself not to cry. Meanwhile Tom was strolling over to the suitcases and pulled out a sealed garbage bag._

_“Billa? Where are your clothes? Such a slut.” Tom grinned pulling out an adult-sized baby outfit. Bill stilled and took in the outfit. It was pink and had a little flap in the back for changing diapers or rather to give Tom easy access. There were little white ruffles along the collar and it looked soft to the touch._

_“We need to dress the baby.” Tom picked up one of Bill’s feet and jammed it into the footy pajamas. Tom continued to roll the outfit up Bill until he realized that Bill’s hands were bound at the top of the bed. He scowled and sat there for a minute looking at his baby brother dressed as a baby. Deciding it would be more fun to keep Bill bound he reached around for a pair of scissors and simply cut off the sleeves and popped the neck opening over Bill’s head._

_“There’s my little boy.” Tom grinned reaching to stroke Bill’s backside. The fabric felt soft on his hands and Tom groaned popping the two buttons open. The flap fell down causing Bill to gasp at the cool air flicking his ass._

_“No Tom I’m still sore-”_

_“Shut it. I’m your Dad and I say when we fuck and when we don’t.”_

_“What?” Bill gasped trying to tell himself that he heard wrong. Tom looked cynically at Bill and simply shoved a dry finger into Bill laughing at the boy’s shrieks. Bill screamed at the intrusion and struggled against his restraints to squirm away from Tom’s wriggling finger._

_“Come on baby now tell me.” Tom smirked forcing in another cry finger. Bill screamed in pain and began to beg for mercy. The dread head simply smiled watching Bill’s red opening trying to force the fingers out. He could feel blood beginning to seep out as old wounds from last night that had reopened._

_“Tom! Please-” Bill gasped biting his lip until it turned white._

_“Then tell me!” Tom growled forcing in deeper. The younger twin cried out in pain and was a pathetic blubbering mess on the bed. He kept trying to wiggle away but it was useless against his restraints and Tom’s weight crushing down on him._

_“Tell me!”_

_“Tell you what?” Bill shrieked as Tom twisted his hand, “Tell you what??”_

_“Who’s your fucking Daddy?” Tom growled inserting a third and fourth finger. The noise that came from Bill could not even be considered human as he felt his little hole being ripped in half. Tom marveled at the blood but also how his fingers kept getting deeper and deeper. Bill trashed against his restraints until he felt his left wrist being ripped from his socket. The hand hung limply and Bill cried out when he realized that he had detached it._

_“No!”_

_“Tell me you little bitch or I’ll rip you in half!”_

_“No, no, no,” Bill sobbed hysterically as Tom kept wiggling his hand in further and further. Finally he felt the movement stop and Tom stilled panting heavy at the sight before him. Tom had managed to shove his entire fist into Bill’s bleeding and stretched hole._

_“Tell me.” Tom grunted slamming his fist around inside of Bill. The smaller boy screamed bloody murder and tried to get his body to black out from the intense pain. However the fear of what Tom would do to him if he did pass out scared him into consciousness._

_Tom adjusted himself until he was hovering over Bill, his fist still inside of Bill. Bill quaked from fear and pain as he chest rose in shallow breathes trying to hold in the immense pain in his lower region._

_“Open up. It’s milk time.” Tom grunted pushing his dick against Bill’s shut lips. Bill kept his mouth shut and looked defiantly up at Tom. He refused to let Tom get his way, but gasped anyway when Tom roughly slammed his fist inside of Bill again. Bill’s mouth opened in a silent scream and Tom shoved himself far into it’s soft pulsing depths. Tom’s hips slammed into Bill’s cheekbones and he was so deep that Bill threw up a little. Tom grunted at the stinging but continued to fuck Bill’s mouth. The only plus about this new position was that Tom removed his hand from Bill’s hole. He felt sore and could feel the hole pucker up and curl into its self in pain._

_“Tell me.” Tom repeated thrusting down into Bill’s throat. Bill mumbled around Tom’s cock crying. Bill was a good person he didn’t deserve this. Tom was the bad one making him do all these things. Bill deserved better; but if Bill was a good person why did these awful things keep happening to him?_

_“You fucking dirty cock-sucking moaning little piece of shit. Tell me!” Tom shouted thrust forcefully down Bill’s throat. Bill struggled to breath through his nose and shut out the nasty names that Tom yelled above him._

_“Fucking cock-teasing tight jean-wearing… oh… oh yeah… fucker cock-licker cock-sucker finger-fucker-”_

_The words continued to spill out of Tom mouth until finally he ripped his dick out of Bill’s mouth and came on his face with a shout. Bill squeezed his eyes shut as the milky liquid oozed down his face. It’s not true, Bill thought to himself, you’re a good person and it will all stop soon. You deserve better._

_“Are you listening to me?” Tom roared punching Bill in the face._

_Bill cried out and turned his head to side hiding it in the pillow. His hands strained to break free and he could feel the circulation cutting off._

_“Tell me.” Tom growled one last time grabbing a fistful of Bill’s black hair, “Tell me!”_

_“Daddy!” Bill screamed, “Daddy please stop! Daddy please stop!”_

_“Yeah,” Tom beamed releasing Bill’s head, “I’m your mother-fucking Daddy and you’re my bad little baby that needed to be punished._

_“Please Daddy just stop.” Bill whispered looking away._

_Tom smiled and un-cuffed his sibling gathering him in his arms. Bill screamed in pain when he was moved but allowed Tom to cuddle him just like old times. He whispered pet names in Bill’s ear as he stroked Bill’s quivering back with sweaty palms._

_“Good boy. Best birthday ever.”_


	4. Chapter 4

Bill looked at his cell phone and sighed. There was little less than two hours until the fan party was over and dread filled Bill’s stomach.

Tom had gone off again leaving Bill alone finally. Bill sighed and rested his head against the wall behind him. What he really wanted to do was lay down on the couch but he knew he couldn’t, lord knows what the pictures would look like to the press.

“Teen star passes out drunk at fan party,” Bill smirked just as his phone vibrated. His smile quickly faded as he checked the number on the screen.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Bill panicked getting up to go to the bathroom, “He knows not to text me at night.” Bill swung open one of the bathroom stall and locked him self safely inside before answering the call. 

“Hello?” Bill whispered cautiously. 

_“Bill thank god I was getting worried! You haven’t answered my texts all day!”_

“You asshole do you realize what time it is? It is past ten fuck Bushido! What was so important?” Bill whined listening in case someone came in.

_“I just got worried boo don’t flip out. Tom’s not there is he?”_

“No… but… I can’t do this I have to go-”

_“Bill don’t you even try. I’m allowed to check up on you. Where is Tom? Is he near you?”_

“No I-” Bill cut off as he heard the bathroom door swing open, “Shit Bu I gotta go!”

_“No Bill! Wait-”_

Bill snapped the phone off and listened as the footsteps squeaked across the floor. He held his breath as he heard the wink faucet turn on until finally he heard the squeak of the door closing. 

“Oh thank god.” Bill sighed as he slumped down in the stall.

“AH HA!” A voice shouted as the stall door was kicked open. Bill yelped in surprise and jumped back trying to hide in the small confines of the cubicle but it was useless.

“You don’t think I heard you talking to your little friend in there? Huh Billa? Do you think I’m stupid?” Tom shouted. He lashed out and grabbed Bill by the hair yanking him into his arms. Bill tried to twist away but Tom squished him to his chest stroking his hair like you would to a cat.

“You know I don’t like it when you speak to him… hmm? Or did you miss you’re fuck?”

“What?” Bill stammered into Tom’s panting chest. His brother felt hot and sweaty in comparison to Bill’s dry powered face. He could feel his head rising up and down in time with Tom’s breathes and it scared him how close he was to his abuser. But Bill wasn’t dense he knew how things worked in their little twisted game so Bill decided to play along.

“No Tom why would I want to talk to him? He’s nothing to me, you’re my everything.” Bill inwardly flinched at how fake the words felt as they left his mouth. Couldn’t Tom see that it was all an act that Bill put on? Or did he just not care?

“Yeah damn right I am,” Tom laughed smacking Bill in the butt. Bill merely flinched before turning to Tom and giving him a small smile. He wanted to get out of here while he could it would only be a matter of time before he could crawl back into bed and text Bushido all night.

“Hey!” Tom said snapping Bill out of his thoughts. Tom frowned obviously seeing Bill spacing and wishing he were somewhere else. Bill didn’t even try to look innocent he knew what was coming.

“Stupid slut thinking about him again, Bushido with stupid tattoos? Or were you thinking about another part of his body? So tell me Bill what were you thinking about?” Tom twisted Bill’s arm behind his back and led him out of the stall in front of the sinks; he knew what Tom wanted. It was rare that they fucked in front of a mirror because Tom would always feel guilty afterwards each time however it was also his favorite things to do as well. He loved the look of fear that was Bill’s face when he fucked him hard.

“So tell me bitch, do you miss big Bushido? Do you miss big Bushido and blowing his big fat cock? Tell me!” Tom shouted throwing Bill against the glass. The sink dug into Bill’s hips and he hissed shoving Tom back in retaliation. 

Bill immediately cringed waiting for the blow to come but Tom didn’t even touch him. Tom stood there stoically watching Bill’s every movement. Bill had been expecting for Tom to hit him like normal but Tom’s body language was relaxed not coiled and ready to strike. Bill didn’t know whether to be happy that he wasn’t struck or be concerned over Tom’s pondering face.

“Fine then.” Tom said curtly before turning and leaving Bill.

Chills ran up the slim boy’s spine and he curled into himself hyperventilating. Tom never had done something like this before, it was always hit then fuck and hit again. But yet Tom had left Bill even despite his obvious hard on. Fear overtook Bill he knew he was in for it the minute they returned to the hotel.

_“I don’t know about that.” A deep voice said from behind Bill causing him to squeak._

_“My god you scared me… oh it’s you.” Bill frowned upon seeing Bushido behind him.  
“And what might I ask is so bad about me?” the rapper smiled brushing past Bill to get a drink. The gesture looked innocent but he left his hand lingering on Bill a little too long for the smaller boy’s comfort._

_“I never said there was but then again I never said there wasn’t,” Bill shot back coolly, “Now if you’ll excuse me.”_

_Bushido grabbed the dark haired boy as he attempted to walk away from the bar. They were at the after party for the Echo awards and this had been Bushido’s first encounter with the androgynous singer of Tokio Hotel. He had joked about wanting to meet the singer of the teeny band but now that Bill had graced him with his present Bushido wanted to get to know him more. He was a spunky kid and definitely had some guts walking around looking like that. Besides everyone else at the party was of no interest to Bushido why not hang with the kid for a few?_

_“W-what? Let go of me.” Bill panicked trying to pry the man’s hands off of him._

_“Okay okay.” Bushido chuckled releasing him. Bill looked at Bushido with accusatory eyes and Bushido put his hands up palliating, “I just wanted to talk is all.”_

_“Well fine,” The boy snapped snottily, “You have my attention.”_

_“Um well… some drip of a party huh? I mean what is this shit?” Bushido laughed pointing to the modern furniture around them. The after party was being held at a posh club with a modern accent. The club revolved around the large dance floor like a circle with private booths off to the side and a huge bar right in the center of the party scene._

_“Actually I think it looks fine, but then again you can’t expect a rapper to have an eye for taste.” Bill snorted watching the laughing and dancing people around them._

_Bushido studied his profile taking in the young boy’s features. Once you got over all those skulls and dark clothing the young boy actually really was quite pretty. Bill’s face was slightly flushed red from the alcohol and his nose twitched cutely at the smoking patrons around them. He looked so soft and fragile that Bushido caught himself just in time before he was about to do something foolish._

_“I don’t know about that,” Bushido said lowly, “I think when it comes to people I can pick out the tasty ones.”_

_Bill stiffened and refused to acknowledge what the rapper had said. Did he seriously just say that to him in public? Bill’s frantic eyes searched the crowds trying to find some excuse to leave. Bushido had moved closer to Bill and he could feel the thick material of his jacket brushing Bill’s bare arm. The friction made his hairs stand on end and Bill felt increasingly nervous._

_Bill let out a sigh of relief when he saw Tom stalking towards them. He could have cheered at that moments but the angry glare Tom was sending his way made Bill stop short. He was in trouble now._

_“Bill,” Tom said shortly, “Where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you, you have a job to do not sitting around doing god knows what with who.” Tom snapped glaring at Bushido. He grabbed Bill’s thin arm and began to tug him back over to the private booth where the rest of the crew was. Bushido gave a little wave as he watched Tom stalk over fuming. He was going too fast for Bill to keep up so he ended up dragging more than leading his younger twin across the dance floor._

_Bushido would have placed it as childish possessiveness on Tom’s part had it not been the look of sheer terror in Bill’s wide eyes. The dark haired boy actually looked legitimately scared that Tom was taking him away and he hung his head as Tom threw him into the bathroom. Bushido watched the last glimpses of the twins as the doors flapped back and forth slowing swinging shut._

_“Damn kids,” Bushido laughed downing another drink._

_***_

_The night went on and the drinks kept flowing. Bushido was having a wonderful time with his gang and felt wonderfully at peace. The noises and colors blurred into a whirl and Bushido felt giddy. A few random girls, probably the trampy girlfriends of CEO’s, were sitting with Bushido’s gang flirting. Everything was fine right up until Bushido heard a noise._

_Lethargically he turned his head and froze when a pair of chocolate brown eyes connected with his. Bushido stilled staring at Tom as he stared back angrily. Time seemed to stop then as the room continued to whirl muffled around the two. Finally Tom smirked and turned to leave. Something about Tom’s smirk made Bushido feel sick and he shoved the fake blonde off of him frowning. Bushido suddenly felt sober as he scanned the room frantically._

_“How long has it been since I talked to Bill?” He asked turning to Chakuza._

_“Who?”_

_“Bill! Bill Kaulitz!” Bushido snarled getting up out of the booth. The clingy girl grabbed onto his arm and stared up at him through blurry eyes. Bushido merely shook her off and turned to Chakuza menacingly._

_“How long since I talked to the fag boy?”_

_“Ohh! You mean him! Alright alright I get you man… I think like… an hour? Two hours? Who knows?” Chakuza concluded with a snort.  
Bushido shoved his way to the bathroom in a panic. I had been two hours since he’s last seen Bill. Two hours since Bill went into the bathroom and never came out. Now Bushido wasn’t a rocket scientist but he knew there was something wrong with that picture. _

_“Bill?” He called throwing the door open. Towels and toilet paper lay thrown around stained in deep red. A mirror had cracked and the vases holding flowers had been carelessly knocked to the floor. However it was the crumpled figure on the floor that made Bushido cringe._

_He carefully approached it and pushed it onto to its back trying to make out features under all that blood. The person’s breath hitched when touched and they curled away cringing. Bushido’s heartstrings tugged when he realized who the beaten person on the floor was._

_“B-bill?”_

_“W-w-what?” The boy panicked struggling to get away from Bushido’s soothing hands. He scrambled away awkwardly and let out a yelp when he adjusted his legs. Blood was dried all down his pale white thighs from where his skin peeked through torn pants. His jewelry was tangled around his neck as if they had been pulled and yanked on forcefully and Bill covered his ass with his hand cringing in pain._

_“Bill,” Bushido said seriously gathering the younger boy in his arms trying to avoid the boy’s ass, “Bill you have to tell me what happened.”_

_Bill seemed to snap then and he lashed out knocking Bushido in the side of the head. Bill was dropped to the floor with a thud as his head bounced off the tiles._

_“Keep away from me!” He shrieked hysterically, “Keep away dammit!”_

_“Bill?” The man coaxed trying to calm the hysterical boy, “Please its just me. Bushido remember?”_

_“NO! NO! NO! Keep away from me! Get back!” Bill backed away crying and screaming. He reached for the closest thing, which happened to be the only in tact vase, and hurled it at Bushido shrieking bloody murder._

_“Bill!” Bushido pleaded desperately dodging the flying vase, “Bill calm down! It’s only me! You need to take a deep breath!”_

_“What?”_

_Bill froze then and fell to the floor hugging his knees crying. It was a sad sight that caused the rapper a lot of pain. He knew he should try to comfort the boy in some way but he had never been any good at mushy stuff. He didn’t even know where to start._

_“No, no, no, no, please stop, please.” Bill chanted hollowly rocking back and forth, “Please make it stop! Make it stop! Stop!”_

_Bushido knew another episode was starting again and did the only thing he could think of. He fell to the floor besides Bill and wrapped in the tightest hug he could manage. Bill gasped and began to struggle shrieking again. Bushido squeezed his eyes shut and hugged Bill even tighter rocking him back and forth like a baby. Bushido hugged him as tight as he could as if he were hugging away all the scary monsters that toyed with Bill’s mind._

_The two remained like that for a few moments unmoving and panting heavily. Bushido could feel Bill’s erratic heartbeat starting to slow down and he sighed rubbing the boy’s shaking back._

_“Please don’t let him… not anymore I’m a good person. I’m a good person. Promise?”_

_Bushido had no idea who Bill was talking about but he promised anyway pulling the crying boy into his lap. Bill stilled and took shuddering breaths trying to calm himself._

_“I promise Bill, I won’t let them.”_

_Bill pulled back and looked up at Bushido with hopeful eyes, “Really?”_

_“Yes I won’t let them.”_

_“I don’t want to anymore. He didn’t even ask. He never asks. It’s not fair. I don’t want to!” Bill wailed starting to lose it again. Bushido hushed the boy squeezed him so tight that Bill felt the wind being knocked out of him._

_“T-thank you. S-so kind.” Bill sighed leaning against Bushido’s chest._

_A few moments passed and Bill’s breathing had slowed. Bushido frowned looking down at the boy and smiled at what he saw. Bill had fallen asleep and was nuzzling affectionately into the material of Bushido’s jacket._

Bill stood in the bathroom watching Tom’s retreating figure. He had left Bill alone this time. Shivers ran down Bill’s spine and he sat down onto the floor and cried like he had so mane times before. Only this time no one heard his sobs.


	5. Chapter 5

Bill tried to stay in the safety of the bathroom as long as he could. What felt like hours passed and when Bill’s cell phone went off again he threw it against the wall in a fit of rage. Gustav had popped in once curious why he was sending so much time in there but Bill had come up with a lie fast and brushed off the drummer saying that he was hung over.

“Well you better come out soon before the fans notice that you’re gone.”

“Yeah okay Gus I’ll be out soon.” Bill muttered slumping against the sink. 

“Bill?”

“What?”

“Are you,” Gustav gulped eyeing Bill, “I mean your not… getting… well I meant-”

“What Gustav? What?” Bill snapped suddenly annoyed. The spacious bathroom was beginning to feel too crowded for Bill’s liking and he wanted the drummer gone. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way but… you’re not getting into drugs are you?”

Bill nearly laughed at the accusation drugs or rather anything in Bill’s mind would be better than the dark secret he really carried around all the time. Fuck he was paid to look at his brother with starry eyes during concerts.

“Nah Gustav,” Bill smiled genuinely, “I’m clean. Just the stress of the new album and breaking into the US market you know?”

“Oh okay you scared me for a moment there. I worry you know?” Gustav smiled turning to leave.

Bill flashed his megawatt smile and waited until he heard the door slowly swing shut. The minute the music from outside was sealed off Bill fell to the floor with a frown. He would rather have been on drugs than tell Gustav that their guitarist raped his own little brother almost every night now. The door muffled the sounds of the party reminding Bill that he would have to face his fears eventually.

“All right Bill get it together,” He breathed wiping away some forming tears. He rolled his shoulders back and stood tall as he walked back into the party. Georg spotted him immediately and thrusted a drink in his hand.

“Dude I can’t believed you sobered up already! We gotta get you something stronger than this,” He motioned towards the champagne, “You gotta relax.”

Bill rolled his eyes at Georg’s slurring and downed the drink savoring the tingly buzz he got. He just wanted to get trashed tonight so he could sleep through whatever Tom had planned for them later. The rest of the night was a blur to Bill as drinks flowed and Bill lost track of how many colorful drinks Georg shoved in his hand. One had tasted like soap but he finished it anyway, as long as he was in the public eye and surrounded by friends Tom couldn’t touch him.

“No one can touch me,” Bill giggled dazed, “You hear me? Noooo one!” 

“Man I do not want to even nuh what your drinkin,” Georg laughed clapping Bill on the back. 

Someone had whispered for him to lighten up on the drinks but Bill had brushed them off with a snort. After all tonight was about them right? All these people were here for them why not enjoy him self? 

“ ‘s all good. Hmm I’m good.” Bill laughed as he was led to the car. Colors swirled around them as cars drove by them in a blur. Bill frowned trying to count how many feet he had he didn’t recall having seven but then again Georg had four heads so maybe it was normal. 

“Buddy you don’t look so good,” A voice said rubbing his back.

Bill clutched his head and stumbled towards the car and gripped the door. Everything was so bright and loud he hated it. No one shut the hell up even when he yelled at the ground for moving. Concerned voices surrounded him and Bill squeezed his tight trying to relieve the pounding his head. 

“Bill? Bill? Oh my god you idiot! Who let him drink that much?”

“Sssshhhh your too loud sssshhhhh!” Bill cried. 

“Bill how could you be so stupid? This is your fault!” A voice barked.

“Me? What the fuck did I do he was the one that drank it all.”

“Oh fuck you!”

“Quiet!” Bill cried clutching his lurching stomach, “You’re too loud dammit!”

“Shit he’s gonna puke.”

Immediately after something rose in the back of his throat and he bent over spilling out his stomach’s contents onto the parking lot. 

“Ew! God someone get him a towel! You clean this up and get him in the car.”

Hands grabbed his arms while arms encircled his waist throwing into the car. Bill felt dizzy and he could barely think straight as the car took off for the hotel. He could feel someone next to him and Bill nuzzled into the person’s jacket. 

“You smell good.” Bill sighed burying his face. 

“Get off of me.” A cold voice snapped. Rough hands pushed at Bill’s head to no avail. It had been long day and Bill started to doze off ignoring the complaining person next to him. Besides they smelled familiar like a combination of Axe, sweat, and smoke.

“I’m gonna sleep…now.” 

“What? No Bill get the fuck off! You fucking prick!” the voice slowly faded and Bill shut his eyes smiling. In his mind he back home safe in his bed sleeping. After all he really did miss home.

***

Tom frowned and threw Bill onto the bed. All night he had wanted to get him alone and the one chance he got in the bathroom had been ruined. Why did Bill not see that he belonged with Tom? Bushido didn’t deserve Bill no one did. The only way a person could deserve to be with Bill was if they were identical, which Tom was.

“Fucking tease you had ruin,” Tom grunted pulling a shoe off Bill’s limp body, “Our special time together in the bathroom.”

“Don’t you love me Billa?” Tom asked brushing stray hairs out of his twins face. Bill kept quite on the account he was unconscious but the silence only angered Tom more. The younger twin’s eyes fluttered a little but he lay there cold and limp.

“I love you, I feed you, I protect,” Tom growled peeling Bill’s clothes and discarding them on the floor, “You owe me. You should love me! Me! Not that damned rapper.”

Anger built inside Tom and he stood up frantically ripping his clothes off. He had been half hard all night and his body was screaming for release. His flexed his arms and put trembling hands on Bill’s pale hips. Energy was pent inside of him and he shook with anticipation. 

“You’re beautiful Billa so pretty. Why don’t you understand? God made you for me, I came first and then you came next so that I wouldn’t be lonely.” Tom said and he pressed his naked body down onto Bill’s. Their cocks rubbed together, Tom’s hard and Bill’s soft, making Tom moan. The sensation felt delicious. 

“I own you,” Tom breathed out dry humping Bill’s cold body, “Your mine!”

Bill’s chest rose up and down peacefully as his body was molded to Tom’s needs. He bent Bill’s legs and threw them over his shoulders ignoring the way they sickly flopped against his back. He didn’t have to be awake Tom just needed a way to get off. An animalistic sound resonated throughout the room as Tom thrusted against Bill’s ass. He didn’t want to push in just yet but his cock was painfully hard and weeping.

He lazily dragged it along Bill’s opening while he palmed the pert roundness of Bill’s ass. He felt so blessed right then. To think he got to plow that every night.

 

“You’ll always be mine,” Tom whispered before forcefully thrusting in Bill’s most private area. The younger twin still did not wake but he grunted as Tom moaned wantonly thrusting in and out.

Tom moaned in pleasure as he dry fucked his unconscious twin. The friction felt delicious and Bill was tightest when they did it this way. The best part about now was that Tom didn’t have to put up with Bill’s cries and constant bitching.

“Oh yeah,” Tom shivered finding the pace. 

The snapped his hips forward hissing at the tightness. It was almost too much but Tom wanted to mark Bill as his own. Tom’s cock was unnaturally stretching Bill’s little hole and he perversely stared down as the swollen red opening that swallowed in his cock. 

“So tight,” Tom gritted picking up his pace. He could feel himself pulsing inside the warm heat and knew he would come soon, “Please not yet, not yet, not yet.”

Everything inside of Bill was so soft and warm it made Tom’s toes curl. The vacuum it was creating around Tom was too much and despite not wanting to he shot his seed into his twin.

“Oh god,” He moaned, “Oh god.”

He collapsed onto Bill pressing their foreheads together. He could feel Bill’s slow heartbeat in contrast to his racing one and Tom planted a chaste kiss to Bill’s mouth. Bill always tasted so sweet like strawberries, Tom thought. His limbs were slowly starting to stop shaking as he came down from post-orgasmic bliss. 

“I love you.” Bill’s face remained blank from emotion, “I really do. Do you?” Tom asked nuzzling into Bill’s neck. The flesh felt so cold and soft to the touch that Tom bit him hard leaving a love bite.

“Do you Billa?” Tom asked sitting up and smoothing his twin’s hair. Silence filled the room as Tom waited for an answer, “Billa? Answer me… well? You damn bitch answer me when I ask you something!”

“Answer me you whore!” Tom screamed slapping Bill across the face. Bill’s eyes shot open in surprise and he screamed in pain when he shifted his lower body.

“What the hell Tom?”

“Answer me you slut. I know you think about him every time we do it! I bet you the harder I do it the more you like it!” Tom sneered grabbing Bill by the hair.

Bill yelped and he gazed around disoriented. The room blurred into focus and his eyes landed on a hand revolver on the nightstand. He silently prayed Tom wouldn’t do anything rash with it.

“I know you like to pretend its him when we make love.” Tom snarled in Bill’s shocked face, “Don’t give me that look dammit! You fucking whore!”

“Tom!” Bill yelped. Tom seemed to forget the gun as he threw Bill onto the floor and kicked him square in the ribs, “T-tomi! Stop!”

“I love you!” Tom shrieked hysterically, “I love you, I love you, I love you!”

“T-t-tom.” Bill coughed clutching his stomach as the beating continued.

“I,” kick, “Love you!”

“T-tom.”

“I love you.” Tom sobbed as he kicked Bill one last time.

“I love you,” Tom panted looming over Bill’s cringing face, “I love you.”

Bill squeezed his eyes shut thanking god that his beating was done for the day. Tom had kicked harder than usual and he hoped all his ribs were still in tact. His ass felt like it was on fire and Bill didn’t need to be told what Tom was doing to him before he woke up.

“Bill,” Tom sobbed sounding very small. He fell to the floor and sat in his haunches panting, “I-I’m sorry.” He said as tears began to roll down his face, “I’m so sorry. I love you.”

“Tomi.” Bill wheezed struggling to sit up. Tom pulled the boy into his arms and began to cry into his dark hair whispering apologies and endearments. 

“I don’t m-mean to.” Tom whispered shaking. Bill shifted and snaked his arms around Tom’s neck hugging him down to his neck.

“I know you don’t Tomi. I know.”

“You don’t! You don’t know!” Tom protested squeezing Bill tightly. His touch had turned from comforting to rough and Bill mentally sighed bracing himself for round two.  
“How could you know? You have no idea how much you mean to me!” Tom squeezed Bill’s throat tightly, his eyes wild. He forced Bill’s head to side so he could look at him as the two sat in that awkward position. Bill was slouched in Tom’s lap so his back was bent awkwardly in order to face Tom. Tom sat with his legs tucked underneath Bill’s back as he squeezed his twin’s throat menacingly. But then again everything about them was awkward.

“Not tonight Tomi,” Bill sighed staring pleadingly into his brother’s crazed eyes, “Please not tonight. No cuddling on tour remember?”

Tom froze and stared at Bill’s face in shock. The words jolted through him and he nodded dumbly releasing Bill’s throat. Immediately he scrambled to the nightstand and grabbed the gun. 

Tom froze in place, “Bill?”

_“A girl tried to kiss me today.” Tom scowled crawling into bed with Bill._

_The twins lay snuggled under the covers in darkness of their room. Mom and Dad had said that they were too old to cuddle anymore and had put Bill in a different room. What they didn’t know was that every night Bill would creep back in._

_“Why? That’s gross.” Bill’s face pinched disgusted._

_“I don’t know but she was older so maybe it was a joke?”_

_“Did you let her?” Bill muttered hugging Tom’s arm to his body. Tom turned and wrapped an arm around Bill’s waist bringing his twin closer. The heat under the blankets was unbearable but they kept getting closer until Bill was practically on top of Tom._

_“No I would never. Besides she’s always mean to you.”_

_“You could if you want to… kiss her I mean.”_

_“Bill!” Tom gasped pulling away to look his twin in the eyes, “No. Besides I don’t love her.”_

_“You love me right?” Bill sighed tucking himself under Tom’s chin._

_“Of course I love you. We’re brothers, we were born together we’ll die together.” Tom stated bravely squeezing Bill tight._

_“You’ll me forever?”_

_“Forever.”_

 

“Bill what are you doing put that down!” Tom panicked making a reach for the gun. Time seemed to stop then and Bill frowned tightening his hold on the trigger.

“I love you too Tom. So so much you couldn’t even understand.” Bill squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the trigger right as Tom’s hand grabbed Bill’s upper arm.

Blood splattered across Bill’s face with a sickening plop as Tom’s body slumped forward landing on Bill. He struggled to hold him up and stared widened eyed down at his bloodied shirt. It was covered in blood, Tom’s blood. Bill was covered in Tom’s blood.

He stepped to the side and let Tom’s body fall to the floor. His older brother’s wide shocked eyes stared up at Bill and Bill shivered. They had always said they would die together ever since they were little. Before Tom’s obsession with hats, before his obsession with girls, before his obsession with Bill. They would die together not questions asked.

_“Forever?” Bill asked snuggling into Tom’s neck. Tom was always so cold he didn’t understand why. Tom had told him that he was always too warm. A smile came across Bill’s face as Tom put his freezing feet on Bill’s warm leg._

_“Forever I mean it.”_

“Forever huh?” He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to the second most important person in the world to him. Sighing he placed the gun next to his head. The metal still felt warm at the barrel but the handle felt cool in Bill’s hand. 

The phone beeped indicating the message was successfully sent. Bill sighed staring at Tom’s lifeless eyes wide in shock.

“Forever you sick bastard,” And he pulled the trigger.


	6. Chapter 6

“Jesus.”

Bushido turned away from where Simone was clutching onto Gordon crying hysterically. Her wails were the only sounds in the silent church as people shuffled around awkwardly. No one was quite sure what to do in a situation like this, especially with over a thousand crying fangirls out side. 

Simone and Gordon had decided to have the wake and burial all in one day to get it over with. The pain of knowing that her two precious boys had both killed each other together was far too much to bear. Simone let out another wail and hides her face in Gordon’s shirt. The man stood absolutely still letting his wife’s tears soak his fancy white dress shirt as he stared at the single coffin eerily. 

That had been the weird part of the wake it was closed casket, which meant no one see the bodies, but more so that there was only one coffin. The media had been quite surprised at this along with the sobbing fans outside. Only Bushido and the Kaulitz-Trumper family knew the true reason behind this.

As people filed into the other room Bushido was left alone staring at the coffin. It was a sleek light brown made with the finest petrified wood decorated with the most beautiful etchings. I reminded Bushido of Bill.

“God,” He groaned his voice cracking. Tears welled in his eyes and he wiped furiously at them not caring how dirty he got his tuxedo. 

“Why Bill? How… how could you do this to everyone?” Bushido trembled walking up to the coffin. He ran his hand along the rim feeling the smooth surface and bumps along the edges. It felt so fine and soft under hands very much like how Bill’s skin had felt.

“You don’t realize,” Bushido whispered as tears rolled down his cheeks, “You don’t realize the pain you’ve caused everyone.”

_“What in the hell? Who the fuck texts me at four in the morning.” Bushido grumbled rolling towards the nightstand. He picked up his phone with a grunt and squinted at the screen. Bill’s number and smiling profile picture popped up buzzing happily._

_“Bill?” Bushido frowned and clicked opened the message, “Oh my god.”_

_Bu I dont have much time k? I just wanted 2 say tht I love u. I love u so much u dont even knw! It hurts so much I want it 2 stop but it wont. Ive done somethng terrible & I hav 2 do this. Bury me w my Tom pls? In the same coffin pls. So tht we can b 2gether in death. I luv u so much Bu Im sorry I have 2 do this. Ur such a good person. Don’t tell my parents y just bury Tomi & I 2gether he deserves it after all of this. Goodbye Bushido. luv Bill_

“My god.” Bushido sniffs reading the text over and over again running his hand along the coffin’s surface, “God dammit Bill. Dammit.”

Sadness swells inside of him and he bites his lip trying not to cry. Only Gustav and Georg knew of Bill’s relationship with the older rapper so his parents had not been too thrilled when he showed up at the wake. The G’s had managed to get Simone to back off a little but she still watched him like a hawk. This may be his only chance.

“Jesus I’m going to hell for this,” He muttered slowly sliding the cover off the coffin. The lid was heavy and Bushido tried his best to not make too much noise as he shoved it slightly off.

However the sight that met his eyes didn’t make him silent for long. There was Bill perfect, funny, beautiful Bill looking as if he were in a deep sleep. His eyelashes fanned over his pale cold cheeks and Bushido stroked his face half surprised when he felt the coldness. Bill had always been so warm when he was alive it felt weird feeling him so cold.

“My god baby,” Bushido sobbed not trying to stop the tears that ran freely down his face now. There was his Bill. His Bill. Lying in a coffin pale white and unmoving snuggled up to _that._

Tom lay to the side of Bill with his eyes wide open in shock. While Bill looked so peaceful in death Tom looked like he had stuck his finger in an electrical outlet.

“They’re supposed to close their eyes not leave them open. People are so lazy these days.” Bushido sobbed but still refused to touch Tom. Why should he help him rest in peace for eternity? He had been the reason Bill was dead now. It was all Tom’s fault and the worst part was that no one but Bushido knew. 

“I hate you,” He hissed frowning at how Bill’s arm had been draped around Tom’s waist. The sight was rather funny when you took a step back at the situation. There lay Bill looking as if he were a sleeping Snow White wrapped around Tom who was stiff as a board and tense in his brother’s hold. Tom had a huge brown hole in his chest while Bill had one in the side of his head. Tom the heartless one and Bill the brainless one.

Cries and wailing brought Bushido out of his trance and he knew he had to close the casket soon before anyone came in here. He didn’t want to though and tears gathered in his eyes once more as he stared at Bill’s paled white face. There was no color to it anymore, he was completely lifeless. Bushido would never again be able to laugh at how the boy always blushed when Bushido kissed him or how he would green at the sight of some miss-matched outfit. It was really over.

“I-i-it’s really over?” Bushido whispered running his fingers through Bill’s black hair. It felt stiff and kinky. Bill would never allow that if he was still alive. Bushido caressed the hole in Bill’s head and sighed starting to pull the coffin shut. 

Tom was covered in darkness once again leaving only a slight glimpse of Bill. Bushido cried freely now completely losing it and planted a chaste kiss on Bill’s mouth at a goodbye. This was it, it was really over this time. Bushido’s shoulders shook with anger and pain as he slide the lid shut completely.

“I love you,” He whispered patting the coffin softly, “I love you.”

He turned to leave and walked back into the main room of the church through the numerous wooden benches and sat down a few rows behind David Jost and the rest of the crew. Everyone cried, everyone wailed, only now Bushido couldn’t find it in himself to muster up tears. The ceremony went by fast and whenever the priest even said ‘Bill’ or ‘Tom’ Simone would burst into a hysterical fit all over again. Gustav had to leave half way through because he couldn’t take it anymore.

The priest’s words ran through the church mocking Bushido. He used words like nice, kind, or amazing. What would he know about the twins? He didn’t know that Bill called Bushido every night crying about Tom. He didn’t know how to speak soothingly to Bill to get him calm like Bushido did. Fuck the twin’s parents didn’t even know their own sons like Bushido did.

“Anis man, we are going to the burial now you coming?” Georg asked concerned.

Bushido head shot up and he nodded following the bassist out the door. Everyone was silent in car like they were at the burial. Bushido sadly watched as they lowered Bill and Tom’s shared coffin into the ground. People were throwing flowers into the pit as the coffin was lowered weeping softly now.

Finally there was a muffled thud as it hit the ground at the bottom of the pit. People sniffed and began to leave one by one. Gustav and Georg were the last two to go waving goodbye sadly as the graveyard workers began to throw dirt into the hole. 

“See ya man. Maybe when things calm down you wanna join us for a beer?” Georg offered. Bushido smiled sadly and nodded watching the two G’s leave. Finally he was alone. The wind whipped as his coat and the rapper watched sadly as more and more dirty was thrown into the hole. Then after some time with a pant the graveyard workers gathered up their shovels and left the now buried grave.

“Jesus.”

_“You shouldn’t swear so much!” Bill scolded wagging a finger at the taller man._

_Bushido chuckled, “And why not?”_

_“Because,” Bill whined dragging out the word, “It’s not good to use the lord’s name in vain.”_

_“Hmm,” Bushido mused gathering up Bill in his arms. He loved days like this, it was instrumental day which meant that they others stayed behind recording at the studio leaving Bill to do whatever he wanted. Days like this were rare but Bushido learned to savor them and make it last._

_“What?”_

_“Hmm? What about what?”_

_“You muttered something and I want to know what.” Bill said wiggling in Bushido’s hold._

_“I did?”_

_“Well yeah! Bu you’re getting too old. You don’t even realize when people talk to you now.”_

_“Give an old man a break will you?” Bushido laughed petting the boy’s hair. Bill sighed and leaned into the touch just enjoying sitting out on the porch together._

_“It sounded like… like… like you said ‘I love you’.” Bill questioned staring off at the road._

_“…”_

_“I-I do not know. Maybe my hearing is bad-”_

_“I love you Bill.”_

_“What?” Bill gasped sitting up. He turned around and faced the rapper looking serious. Their relationship had always been about the physical stuff leaving emotions out. It was better that way and would make an easier cut when they finally broke up._

_“What did you say?” Bill repeated staring into Bushido’s eyes. The younger boy began to cry and whimpered when Bushido hugged him close._

_“I said I love you.”_

_“No, no,” Bill sobbed burying his face in the man’s shirt, “You don’t. How could you love me? I’m disgusting._

_“No Bill.” Bushido said seriously, “I love you.” He repeated more firmly._

_“Like Tomi does?” Bill whimpered._

_“No like you deserve to be loved.” Bushido said hugging the boy tight. Bill relaxed into his hold and stayed their quieting weeping._

_“Bu?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“I love you too… not they way Tom makes me though.”_

_“I know baby I know.”_

The wind howled and went straight through Bushido. Everyone was gone now as he stood over the grave crying. Everyone was gone, well at least everyone that mattered to Bushido.

“I’m sorry Bill.” Bushido cried, “I’m so sorry.”

He sank to his knees and curled into himself crying. The world was over for him now. There would be no more Tokio Hotel, no more songs that Bill was forced to sing, but importantly no more Bill.

“I damn that bastard that’s in heaven with you right now,” Bushido quaked, “Please wait for me. Just wait.”


End file.
